Written by: Lauren Fourie

I am Lauren Fourie. 

My Story

I grew up in Westbury. I currently live in Northcliff now due to doctors suggesting a peaceful environment.

So my story goes; I have suffered from epilepsy since I was 5 months old. I got my first seizure in my aunt’s hands after consulting with a doctor for high fever, just as we left the Doctors, on our way home; I had a seizure and ever since that day I’ve been getting seizures. My life as a kid wasn’t as happy and enjoyable because whenever I used to get excited or overwhelmed, stressed or not getting enough sleep I would end up getting seizures. 

School was difficult for me because I had to go see the doctor every month which helped a lot. My seizures were treated but there was no cure for it and still not.

I still have seizures which made my life and schooling very difficult for me because the other kids used to tease me and I didn’t know why they were so mean to me. My family spoke to me and told me that at the time I was too young to understand that it is an illness and I did not ask for it and that the kids in school were not educated about it. With all these obstacles I still continue to perform well in school and achieve good marks. When I got to high school it was even worse and I thought it would be better, seeing that it is older learners, but I was still made fun of. 

This one year, I got so many seizures and I was in and out of hospital and that’s when my mother decided that I can rather repeat the grade as I lost track of my schoolwork by being in and out of hospital. It became a norm in school getting seizures and the other learners would still make fun of me, but I told myself I’m here to learn and make something of my life. I Matriculated in the year 2009 and got my first temporary job at a bank and then I left my job to go study for public relations and event planning. I graduated in the year 2011 . As I got older,  I understood and accepted my illness and didn’t bother with what people had to say about me. I always said that God won’t ever give me a cross I cannot bear. 

In 2013,  I started working at my current workplace and that same year at the Christmas party I started feeling uneasy as soon as I got outside, I had a seizure and bumped my mouth and my face and it was messed up and my teeth too. I got hurt so bad I could not recognize myself and then I was home for about a month. I went back to work and was asked if I would like to work in another position, I said no because I hated when I got treated differently and when people felt sorry for me. I love what I’m doing. I did well too and I will continue doing it.In the year 2016, I had another serious seizure and fell on a dumbbell and I had to wear glasses. 

I continued working the year of 2017, and one day I was at work, I felt something that seemed like a heart attack and felt very claustrophobic, like I was about to lose my mind. I didn’t  know what was happening to my body. They called the ambulance and I refused to go because I wanted to see my doctor that I’ve been seeing all my life that knows my medical history. My partner fetched me at work and took me to hospital. When we got there I was feeling numb on one side and very heavy. A few tests were done, and it was found that it was a severe social anxiety combined with depression.  

I was booked in at Garden City Hospital and I started seeing a Professor who is a Psychologist as well as a psychiatrist. He booked me off for 3 months from work so I can be treated. Thereafter, I was booked in again because I started feeling depressed and I just felt like I wanted to die. I felt alone and blamed myself and thought God didn’t love me, and questioned why I would have so many illnesses all at once. 

I was diagnosed with a sleeping disorder. I didn’t even know if I was sleeping because of my wandering mind. I was on so many different sleeping medicines as well as antidepressants. 

When my journey started I felt like a zombie. I would wake up, eat then sleep. That was my life for 3 months. 

Eventually, I went back to work and back for 2 days. The working environment felt too busy for me, the noise; the people, I could  hear every sound, that I ended up under my desk covering my ears.I literally felt like I was losing my mind.  My team leader at the time approached me and helped me get home and get rest.

I found myself booked in again, later that day and my work place decided that in order for me to get better I need time off from work. They then approached my doctor for a medical report and my doctor agreed that they should temporarily medically board me. I thought that I would only do medical medical reports for a year, but instead every 5 months.

I was drained physically, mentally, and emotionally. Bear in mind I was so frustrated because it seems like nothing is working out for me. I started feeling depressed yet again. I feel like I’m worth nothing. 

My work doctors decided I should start therapy with them which was cognitive rehabilitation, where I’ve learned that I have short term memory loss and I knew something was wrong when I couldn’t remember things that happened like a week before.I would put so much pressure on myself but I ended up making it worse. I started my cognitive rehabilitation  for about another year and  it was the most difficult year of my life.

However, I don’t regret that I went. I was taught small things eg. word cross puzzles etc. I needed time to myself and every hour I wrote down what I did and what I would do every hour to help me remember and exercise.

The next day I would get a book to schedule myself and adhere to it. It was a difficult journey and I ended up pressuring myself on how to do small activities a day just to get it over and done with. I got a report from the doctors. It was extended again even though my own doctors said I was ready to return back to work. I got depressed again and found myself booked in again. 

Finally some progress and I was doing great in 2020 after 3 long years of being at home and working on myself to accept that it’s okay not to be okay and the day I accepted that I actually became better. 

I was called by my workplace and they said they received the report and I can come back to work, and I was offered a better position. Of course I accepted. I’ve been home for way too long and then the pandemic started too. I  went on my knees and just thanked God for bringing me this far.

I first started with a reintegration programme where I went in for 3 hours only to see how it works and did that for 5 months. I requested a final report from the doctors and was told that I’m ready to start training in 2021.

I felt like God is opening new doors and I was given a second chance in life.

It was a bit hard going to work on my own. Everytime I forgot small things,  I would push myself way too hard, it led to another seizure again and I dislocated my arm in October 2021. I went to the GP and he booked me off. I went back to work again in November only to get  another seizure, this time I got out of the bath and that was the very first time I’ve ever felt a seizure coming. I screamed for help but no sound came out, it felt like I was screaming and I thought someone could hear me but nothing. Luckily my partner heard a sound and he said I gave that stare (the one I always give before I get a seizure) and then he ran and I fell in his arms. 

My manager advised me to go see my psychiatrist and although I didn’t want to go; I knew I had to because this time the seizure was different as well combined with severe depression. I was told that my anxiety levels are so high it now causes me to get an anxiety attack that also leads to seizures. 

I am grateful for my workplace because they are now accommodating me and whenever it becomes too busy I take time out and they told me not to feel ashamed or weak to say I need time out. 

I’m on 4 different chronic medications for depression, anxiety, epilepsy and luckily I don’t have a sleeping disorder, I’m on medication for the anxiety at night that calms me and now I sleep without any sleeping medication. At this point in my life, I am really doing okay.

Life Lessons

I will continue to fight this battle because I have accepted it that actually makes me feel better and able to move on with my life. The one thing I’ve learned is that it’s okay to not be okay. I’m not the only one who goes through anxiety and depression. I would like to help anyone dealing with anxiety, depression and epilepsy. 

I always said one day my story will change someone’s life because I’ve been through so much all my life and now I feel free because I’ve accepted it.

I would like everyone out there, who might be going through the most to know, that you are not alone. I want to help, encourage and change someone’s life to get better and learn to accept and speak about it.

Thank you for giving me an opportunity to share what I’ve been through. I’ve always wanted to speak about what I’ve been through but never had an opportunity to put it out there. This is actually my very first time I’m speaking out about it on a platform. 

I hope my story can motivate and help someone to speak out and know that you are not alone

Many thanks 

Lauren Fourie